We are sure each of you has struggled with ways to keep the memory of your spouse alive for yourself and your children. Many of you have children who are very young and did not have the privilege of absorbing who their father or mother really was. Others of us have children who have wonderful memories and are living with feelings of loss and abandonment.

We each come into being a widow/widower from different places. Some of us were blessed by spouses who led us through their dying process. Others have suddenly been left alone to begin the learning process.

We are hoping that you will share ideas that have helped you and your children cope with your loss, and have kept the memory alive for your family. Please email us with your ideas so that we can add them to KEEPING THE MEMORY ALIVE.

Memory books: There are a variety of memory book ideas, from the simple, to the extravagant. We believe the most important thing to remember is the need to use materials that will not discolor, deteriorate, or damage the things we want to preserve. Many of us have learned the hard way as we peel what remains of our children’s baby pictures out of self sticking photo albums!

The thought of compiling a memory book can be overwhelming. If you are able to sort through your mind and organize your thoughts regarding what are the most important values you want to share with your children, it will help. I have prioritized what things I feel will be lost if I am no longer here to share them with my children.

Using significant events in the lives of our children to make memory books is also helpful. Birthdays and holidays can become special with even the simplest memory book.

I have made tapes to go along with some of our memory books. This can be especially helpful with small children.

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Quilts: When my husband was dying, a friend asked me to consider having a quilt made from my husband’s clothing. I am not a quilt maker and the thought was overwhelming to me. I did not realize that there are many women who would enjoy making a quilt for those who have lost a loved one. The ladies in  our neighborhood blessed our family by making simple quilts and quilted pillowcases for my children from my husbands shirts. Our quilts have been a real source of comfort  to my children and I would recommend it as a wonderful way to comfort your children's lonely hearts.

The women at Hope Chapel made five quilts for a family who were spending their first Christmas without their daddy.  The quilts were made with significant articles of clothing that their daddy wore. 

*NOTE: I am in the process of assembling a list of women throughout the US who are willing to make quilts for widows and widowers. If you would like to be linked with someone who is willing to make a simple quilt for your family, please email me. Fellowship Of Young Christian Widows-Widowers will assume responsibility only for providing a name for you to contact. We cannot assume responsibility for any further matters regarding safe transport of fabric or quilts, or the making of the quilt itself.

Sock Monkeys/Bears:  Someone approached me, asking what to do with their spouse's socks!  I had NO idea what to do with their socks.....let alone my own!  I presented the question to a friend who quickly responded...."Sock Monkeys!"  I wish I had thought of that because it is a wonderful idea.  There are easy patterns to follow to make adorable little monkeys from socks.  Check your local sewing stores for patterns, or ask a grandma.....I think grandmothers have things like that! 

Four year old Malachi snuggles with his sock bear and quilt made by the women in his church. 

Significant Items: Each of our spouses left special things that remind us of who they were. My husband’s baseball mitts and bats have become very important to my sons. With a little effort, we were able to locate a display case for the treasured items. A quick visit to the photographer resulted in wonderful photos of my sons posing with mitt and bat. The photos and special items link where my children are today, with the father who is no longer here to play baseball with them.

Keeping the Familiar: One of my friends continued keeping her husband’s boots and lunch pail in the entry way of her home, after his death. When I walked through her front door, I was met with warm memories, rather than the stark reality of an empty space. For our family that has meant keeping dad’s Bibles and Greek New Testament on his desk. I believe our children deal better with keeping things familiar, rather than, whisking everything off for safe keeping.

Would you like to meet my dad? We moved shortly after my husband’s death and suddenly realized that there were many new friends who had never met my husband. The children and I compiled a book introducing people to their dad. We included pictures and words from all aspects of his life. When people come to visit, my children often ask, "Would you like to meet my dad?"

Linking Past With Present: I am constantly looking for ways to link our past with our present. With the use of computers and photography techniques we are able to make visual reminders that were not possible in the past. If there are any of you who have ideas for using technology to link the past with the present, please share them with us.