It’s Not Fair
How many times have you been confronted by a child’s report that IT’S NOT FAIR?
Children rarely find bedtimes fair, and certainly have fairness issues over
homework. Often it is difficult to use logic when trying to explain fairness
with children. No matter how eloquent your words, or rational your thoughts,
sometimes your kids “just don’t get it!”
I am reminded of this when I think about our position as widows/widowers. It
isn’t fair! It isn’t fair that we committed ourselves without reservation to
another, and lost them. It isn’t fair that our children will grow up in a
single-parent home. It isn’t fair that others take for granted the very thing we
treasured most. It simply is not fair.
Life is full of what some people see as fairness issues. How frequently have you
heard people mention the inconsistencies they see in their daily lives? The
childless couple longed to hold a baby in their arms, yet an unmarried teen had
no problem conceiving. A young mother treated her body with the utmost care
during pregnancy, and delivered a baby with multiple birth defects, but the
irresponsible mother who took drugs during her pregnancy gave birth to a
perfectly healthy baby. And what about the drunk driver that caused the death of
an entire family and walked away from the accident scene with hardly a scratch?
Faced with what appears to be inconsistencies in God’s master plan, we
frequently question the things in our lives, which do not make sense. Our
comprehension needs to broaden so that we can grasp a hold of God’s ultimate
plan. We need to become willing to let go of what we feel is fair, just, or
right, and come to an understanding of faith, patience, and the promise of an
inheritance.
Suffering is a consequence of living in an imperfect world. The innocent as well
as the wicked will experience pain, heartache, disease and death. Injustice,
corruption, persecution, and unrighteousness, will be prevalent worldwide,
experienced by the wise and unwise alike.
The world offers multiple explanations for the inconsistencies around us. There
are those who suggest there is no God. They rationalize that one could not
believe in a superior power that allows such illogical things to take place on a
planet he designed. Some say they believe there is a god, but the pain and death
we experience are only figments of our imagination. The answers the world has to offer leave
everyone in a hopeless state of confusion.
In light of God’s Word, how do we come to terms with the pain and suffering we
experience as widows/widowers? If we begin to evaluate where we are, we must
start “In the beginning.” Genesis 3:17 states, “But of the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest
thereof thou shalt surely die.” It would be easy for us to criticize Adam and
Eve for causing each of us to be doomed to the pain of death if it were not for
the fact that we would have done the same thing! Sin suddenly took the
perfect world and filled it with thorns. Rain and drought replaced the mist that
rose up from the earth to keep the plants beautifully green. Eve was exposed to
the concept of pain as she brought children into the world. Adam began to sweat
and found blisters on his hands because he had to work instead of lingering in
the garden.
No doubt Eve was the first one to question the fairness of sin. She saw that the
“tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be
desired to make one wise.” She questioned how unfair it was to be told not to
touch it! As the consequences of her sin became evident and enmity placed
between Adam and Eve began to cause hostility in their relationship, Eve must
have questioned God about the fairness of losing the once perfect relationship
she had with Adam.
God didn’t talk to Adam and Eve about fairness, however. He talked with them
about the consequences of sin entering into the world. As sin entered the once
perfect world it caused pain, loss, and frustration, affecting all mankind.
If “In the beginning,” ended there, we would be forced to live a life without
hope! But that is not where it ended. Throughout time God intervened in lives
proving His power and sovereignty. Offering Himself as a sacrifice He paid sin’s
penalty so that one day sin would be purged from the world and those who trusted
in Him would inherit a perfect eternity.
Our inheritance awaits us, but an inheritance is something we do not have access
to immediately. We have to wait for an inheritance. Throughout time generations
of people have waited for their inheritance. As they waited they experienced
things that were not fair, just, or right. The Bible gives us
examples of the unfair world widows/widowers lived in. In the New Testament the
Lord told His church to take care of the widows and orphans. Things were not
easy for widows, otherwise they would not have needed the assistance of the
church. But Christ reminded the widows as well as the rest of the body of
Christ, that in the midst of unfairness, pain, and suffering, we must wait
patiently. In James 5:7 He told us, “Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the
coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the
earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter
rain. Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord
draweth nigh.”
Patience, my friends! He is telling us that our inheritance is drawing nigh, but
until He comes we must establish our hearts, grounding them firmly, looking
towards the hope of an inheritance. In all the inconsistencies we face as
widows/widowers, we must have patience. In sorrow, patience works to produce
good and productive things in our hearts. Hebrews chapter 6 is written to spur
us on to maturity in Christ. In verse 12 it reminds us that through faith and
patience we inherit the promises.
Practically speaking, how do we put faith and patience into action? As
widows/widowers, how do we climb our way out of the “It’s not fair” barrel and
bask in the promises we will inherit?
A popular radio talk show psychologist recently aired a program where she
received a call from a young widow. The young widow talked about sinking deeper
into depression in her lonely world. Expecting to be met with compassion and
sympathy, she was rudely disrupted from her slough of despond, and chastened.
She was told that becoming absorbed in her own loss and loneliness was sinking
her into a pit of self-pity. She was advised to begin focusing on other people’s
needs, and spend less time contemplating her own loss. The advice was met with
resistance. In an attempt to help the psychologist understand the deep grief and
pain she felt, the young widow argued her case. Surely the psychologist did not
understand; it was the young widow that deserved others focusing on her needs!
The unwavering answer she continued to receive was the same. “Begin to look past
your own grief and reach out to others in need.”
In a ‘fair’ world perhaps the young widow would be correct, but we aren’t
talking about fairness, we are talking about moving forward with faith and
patience to inherit the promise! That can only be done by giving up ‘our right’
to self-pity, and reaching out to others around us.
When we reach out to others around us we are not releasing the Church from her
responsibility to help widows. Quite the contrary, as a matter of fact!
Paul offers words of instruction to husbands, wives, and widows in the seventh
chapter of I Corinthians. In verse twenty-two he says, “For he that is called in
the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman (one who enjoys the full
privileges of a corporate body): likewise also he that is called, being free, is
Christ’s servant.” Becoming the Lord’s freeman gives us the pleasure of enjoying
the full privileges of the body of Christ. That privilege includes being cared
for by the body of Christ.
Let’s for a moment follow the complete circle of faith, patience, and the hope
of an inheritance. We began with sin entering into the
world bringing with it pain and suffering. As we move our way around the circle
we see sacrifices offered through faith leading to the ultimate sacrifice, the
death and resurrection of our Lord. Moving further around the circle we are
instructed that in faith we are to wait with patience. We come closer to closing
in the circle as we find ourselves the Lord’s freemen, enabling us to become
servants. Then we can begin to see more clearly the hope of our inheritance. As
widows, widowers, freemen, and servants, we can see past the fairness issue and
focus on a promise waiting for us as heirs to a perfect eternity.
Take hope in God’s master plan for your life.